National Secret
Yes, today is/was (it depends where on the planet you reside of course) my birth date. Surely as I stand (or sit rather comfortably) here today, I was born on this very day. I normally don’t even remember my own birthday and it is usually others that insist on reminding me. I really am terrible with numbers and dates.
So, every year I hide all traces that point to the day that instils a desire for people to wish me well. This year I actually forgot to hide my birth date online and even though having had no sleep at all (insomnia is not something worthwhile staying up for), it was a pleasant enough day.
I don’t have a problem with my age and this is not an act of vanity or any other such reason. I simply believe you should wish everyone, everyday, a wonderful day, all day! To some extent, a birthday is really a time to make up to others for not wishing them well the rest of the year.
On the average, my birthdays are the best when I refuse to answer the phone and potter about my day on a blissful cloud of solitude. No one bugs me or insists that I need to “do something”! I am doing something! I am breathing and enjoying the peace and quiet damn it!
So let me share a disastrous birthday when an Ex of mine and an Ex friend decided that I “must” do something! The makings of a torturous evening…
Against better judgement (and previous experiences) I reluctantly go along with this plot of ensuing misery. It is prearranged that said event will take place at aforementioned Ex friend – which for other reasons is no longer in my life – in company of my friends (and even some of their friends too). It was discussed that it would be something simple. Said friend was to provide some salads and other such nibbly things.
My Ex, arrives late to pick me up (I was without transport), and while driving at breakneck speed, is scaring the crap out of me by SMS furiously all the while wondering all over the darn road! This does not bode well at all but short of jumping from a wildly and erratically moving vehicle I am TRAPPED!
By some birthday faerie miracle we arrive late but unscathed. Upon entering the scene, that was to be an endless evening, I am informed that there is nothing to eat! “No, we never discussed any such idea of there being food.” No, of course not! People would be delighted just to eat the paper plates for their tasty, nutritional value!
So – in spite of being unemployed and struggling at the time – I get on the phone and order pizza my soon to be Ex friend, for my real friends, (and their friends too)! A continentally brought up person never lets people starve! It is a fate worse than being naked in the town square with all the spare tyres on display!
One would assume that the evening is now duly rescued and further disaster thus truncated in its inception. Oh no dear reader! I am now trapped with no transport and two bitchy people now a distant memory for so many reasons. Cannot get worse? You bet it can!
Eventually everyone has eaten enough pizza, wished me well, and proceeded to leave this delightful party. HELP! I’m trapped! Someone take me home! Alas, not wanting to be rude and leave my own birthday party (NOT) arranged by my friends, I stick it out.
Still trapped, I am now left alone – but I did have a friendly praying mantis that landed on my knee while sitting outside (alone). The little bugger kept me company while my last two sods of Ex and Ex Friend sat indoors fiddling on the computer.
So now you know why you should never insist that I do something! I also warn all readers that if any surprise events are dubiously being planned for 2011… It had better be SPECTACULAR, fully organised, AND CATERED for! If I even get a whiff of a scent of a surprise party I am on the next aeroplane headed towards the Kalahari!
Having said all that… thanks to all the lovely people that did phone or message today! Some people even called without the faintest notion it was the aforementioned date that shall not be mentioned. All in all, a lovely day!
